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Saturday, October 11, 2014

SATurday ~ 10.11.14

Between college apps, swimming, school, and studying for standardized testing I haven't been able to blog much, but now that I'm done with the SAT I have some downtime.

So the SAT was today. Surprisingly it was a lot easier than I remember, but I might not want to say anything because I don't want to jinx my score. When I got to the testing center I saw Kelly walking towards my way and I didn't realize that she was taking the SAT too; there were a lot of Leland students at ST today. Ashlyn and Rishi ended up being in the same room as me too which proved very beneficial during the breaks. >:) Before the test started Kelly and I were chatting and for some reason I had a feeling that this would happen, almost like a premonition sort of feeling, S walks into the room. After a brief eye contact moment, I turned away and continued to talk to Kelly.

During the test we got several breaks in between sections and in the first break S bolted out of the room; Kelly, Rishi, Ashlyn and I walked out and just started walking towards the bathrooms because there wasn't anywhere we could go with a 5 minute period. While we walked we discussed the problems to the test and "collaborated". S walked past us back to the room. During the second break, we walked out and S followed behind but left again to go who-knows-where. During the third break, the collab group just stayed outside the classroom talking and S left and came back but was walking awkwardly around and I guess at then I should have included him because he seemed left out without knowing anyone(which is actually not true because he knew both Kelly and Rishi form ASB).

He could have talked with us but we may have seemed exclusive when we circled to collaborate. But I suppose I should have included him asking maybe what he got for certain problems or just overall what he thought of the test. I think what was holding me back was that I didn't want to get into it again; after months of weirdness and just miscommunication and mind games I didn't know if I wanted to go down that road again or if he even wanted to go there. My attempts at friendship were met with what seemed like hostility and indifference. If he didn't want to be friends(despite his words, his actions showed differently) than I guess all I can do is try and respect that. Last week he was in a picture with a girl that he used to date, Brianna; I've never really had a problem with jealousy, but I always had a feeling that Brianna never liked me this was before I even started talking to S and personally I'm not a huge fan of B but she's never done anything bad to me so I can't really say anything. The fact that S was willing to be friends with Brianna and not me kind of hurt. Not in the emotional/cheesy way where my heart feels like its broken(cause tbh I don't even know if I have one anymore) but more mentally like my ego was hurt. He's okay with being friends with her but not me and being second tier isn't the greatest feeling. But I mean he is just a boy.

This turned out to be more of a rambling post, rather than a specific one but eff it ✌.

-SAT was aight'
-S was there, didn't talk to each other
-Background info on S from past couple weeks


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